and so it begins..."the new year".
i have been absent lately because, like a great many of you, i have been reflecting on this past year and what i should focus on for this upcoming year...
so many amazing developments this past year...the largest & most life changing was the birth of our fourth child, our first baby girl.
the birth of evyn has changed me in so many ways, it is perhaps impossible to relay them all. the changes began even in utero, as her journey was my only difficult pregnancy. with all of our boys, it was just life as usual, but i had a huge belly!
with her i had to really watch what i did, and be careful not to overextend myself...which was insanely hard (on my ego!) because i was used to doing whatever it was i wanted to be a part of & i would...even if it killed me. i had to come to terms with many parts of me, and really look at what i had previously considered to be my strenghts & was for the first time seeing them as my weaknesses as well.
her birth was beautiful, but she has indeed changed our lives, and not just because we now have pink in the house. :) again, it is hard to describe the rippling effect of her arrival...everything from what stories i read to the boys to how i see myself. there are so many changes i want to make to be a better role model for her, but also to make sure that our boys grow up to be amazing men, husbands & fathers.
i am now taking more responsibility for my own life & where i am. orin, our 9 year old, is famous for quoting my own lines back to me & one of his favorites to "remind" me of is "it all comes back to you". and its true! i cannot blame(/credit) any part of my life on anyone but myself, as it is only a result of the choices & decision that i have made.
so, back to new years...my family came to visit for christmas, and we had what could have become a falling out, but what we have turned into more of a "coming clean".
so often we say what we want people to hear, or we keep key bits of information to ourselves so that we don't offend others. but by doing this we are not only not being true to our own life paths, but in the end we create more problems than the ones we were trying to avoid. does that make sense??
an example...how many times lance has asked me "what's wrong?" and i say "nothing", not wanting to start trouble. well, after this scenario plays out 5 more times...all of these 'nothings' kept just below the surface add up to a rather large something! i lose it & it all comes out, everything...and NOW we have trouble, right??
so, my new year's resolution is honesty.
this covers so many facets of our lives...
being true to ourselves: being honest about how much time & energy we really have, so that we don't overextend ourselves.
being true to our children: not "letting them slide", as that gives unclear messages about what is expected, and robs them of true satisfaction of a job done well.
being true to our spouse: it really hurt me when you _______, i would love it if you would help me out with _________, etc...talk things through when they arise, and not storing things up for a bigger battle later.
being honest with our lives: what is really important to me?? does this show by where i am putting my money/my time, etc??
being honest with our possessions/space: do i really need this?? do i use it, do i love it?? freeing ourselves from our material possessions, from the burden of clutter...
being honest with ourselves means more of our time & energy going to what is really, truly important to us, and letting the other things fall to the wayside...this all results in a truer life path & a happier "us"...
now...to take the plunge!
cheers to the new year & cheers to you!