it has been awesome! we are barely almost 2 weeks things & already i feel a spoiled. ;)
she is such an amazing helper with the children, & they in turn love her just as much. aydin has asked is she can stay with us forever & orin has said that when he is 18 & he can move out, he won't if sammi is still here! she has been helping with the chores, the cleaning, taking aydin to soccer, & has even volunteered to teach a spanish class at our next co-op session.
and yet, throughout all of this, something began to stir within me. this week it has reared up on its hind legs & refused to be ignored any longer.
a bit of background:
i have been insanely tired lately, though i have not been getting up and earlier/staying up any later. i have been moodier, snapping at both the children & my husband...i have been stressed out & jumbly, feeling completely worn & beat down. and the kicker is that we haven't been doing nearly as much as usual.
it makes absolutely no sense!, or at least it didn't, in the beginning...
the thing is, for years friends have joked about me being super mom, though i never bought into the hype myself.
yes...we have 4 children, we homeschool, i bake all meals & most everything else from scratch, we live a waldorf-inspired lifestyle. i have a blog, an etsy shop, i knit & craft, run our local homeschool co-op, etc...
to me, this was not being "super mom", this was only being a good mother. if we want our family to eat healthy meals & for us to stay withing our budget, then of course i bake from scratch. if we want our children to grow up having a childhood, a good education & a strong foundation, then of course we homeschool. if there are no homeschool groups/activities in our area, then of course we get something up & going...right??
until a couple of weeks ago, this was all well & good...this was how it was. i had my plate, it was full & all was right with the world.
why on earth should i crumble now that i have a helper?!?
the fact that my fall from grace coincided with my sister's arrival was surely a coincidence, & that it could have been as a result of the same, was ludicrous.
tonight, however, ended with me on the back porch in tears & my sister trying to console me.
we talked...well, i talked & she listened. we laughed, i cried...and then we washed dishes.
that is when it hit me...
it is because of her arrival that i am going through this transition of sorts...but in a good way. :)
for so long i have been doing too much, taking on too much...always rationalizing...and running purely on survival mode.
the fact that she is here now, that she has my back & can help out where needed was the opportune moment that my mind, body & soul were waiting for to c.o.l.l.a.p.s.e.
she is here...it is safe now. you can rest, you can breathe...she is here.
The times I have fallen apart were always when I slowed down our schedule or had help. I'm trying to learn how to embrace the calm quiet times and use them to learn how to carry that into seasons that are busier.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh - that was a beautiful post. (((hugs))) I completely hear what you are saying and had a tiny moment on a much smaller scale than what you just shared. But it seems to be like a machine that just continues to churn and as we get more and more efficient, we take on more and more and at some point, the machine breaks down. So consider your sister's visit a blessing in that she is allowing you to head into the mechanics and get charged up again for when she leaves. Hopefully she'll move very close to your house and your families can grow up together, in essence.
ReplyDeleteI loved hearing how close you guys are, btw! Makes me miss my sis, too!
Hugs & thanks for all the great Grade 2 posts!
Jen
Beautiful post mama.
ReplyDeleteIt hit home for me.
Where's my helper? :)
xo
wow, I hate to say it, I am there, minus the helper...happy for you, the lifeforce, the creator, knew you needed this, bathe in it! you are oh, so loved xo
ReplyDeletethank you all for the (((hugs))) & LOVES. it is som very comforting ot know that we are not alone as we journey through life.
ReplyDeletesometimes just knowing that others are, or have been, there can set one on the road to peace.
i should post an update as this week has indeed been quite the polar opposite of the last two, and it was (of course!) little things here & there that made all the difference! :)
blessings to both you & your families...xoxo, jessi